Apology

Hello,
I have to write this apology to everyone that reads my blog for several reasons. One, we were not able to go through the process to adopt Xiao Lei and get approved to start the process. I had hoped and prayed that we could raise the money quick enough to send in our LOI (letter of intent). However, that was not the case and my heart was broken over it. I am not sure if he found a family and I stopped blogging because I could not write this and face the fact that we could not bring him home along with our daughter. I know that it would have been difficult in reality, but my heart was already involved. Then, when it could not happen, I just ignored everything to do with adoption including our adoption. I guess I had to grieve over the failed dream and that it was just not meant to be. I hope he found a family. The truth is that adding two children at once to our family was probably too much for us to begin with. At times, we still have struggles with our children getting along and sometimes it seems like we have not adjusted or bonded at all. We have in fact bonded and adjusted to our girls, Jordyn and Jailynn, but we still have some bad days at times. After having committed to him in my heart and then realize we could not commit to him on paper, after I sought support help to raise the money, was just really hard. I grieved hard. Now, the reality is that we are still adopting our third daughter from China and I cannot ignore that fact any longer. Secondly, I need to apologize for asking for support before we had our LOI. I am sorry. I did not intentionally mislead anyone. Please feel free to email me or message me if you need to talk more about this situation.
Next, I just want to give an update. We have our Article Five and are waiting for our Travel Approval. I do not feel prepared or ready but now I have to face the fact that we are adding another child to our family. On one hand I am excited, but on the other hand, I know what we are about to face. She is our third daughter from China so I should be prepared right? Well, actually, I am nervous and apprehensive. I know what all is involved with adopting an older child. I just hope that she will adjust to our family and things will go smoothly. I am also getting better emotionally and trying to become more prepared. I hope that everyone will forgive me and understand.